I'm not going to write the word as the last two years I have seen and thought about it a lot. If you are a querying writer like me, you would know the word I'm talking about. Sometimes it's a badge of honour how many of these you have racked up in the journey of querying, whether it be for an agent or a publisher. Sometimes it's the collective misery of many twitter posts where we get together to discuss how hard it is to be constantly reminded our writing isn't good enough - somehow translated to 'I am not good enough.'
It wasn't until I realised I had been querying my first novel for two years, that it really hit me how hard the process is. With each no, I continued, improving (hopefully!) my manuscript, tweaking my synopsis, changing the comps in my query letter. I didn't even take a moment to think about what this was doing to my mental health. The fact was, I was slowly being pushed down bit by bit without realising. The result - increased headaches and a severe lack of writing for enjoyment. At one point I had completely stopped writing new things, totally focused on editing and researching agents. When I finally decided no agent would ever want my work, I started submitting to publishers directly. It didn't help. I felt an overwhelming negativity to my writing, despite my second novel longlisting and shortlisting for unpublished manuscript awards.
What did I do that day back in April 2023 when I realised I had been querying for two years? I did what most mentally drained woman do - I cried. Not a few tears, not a I'll have a pity party for myself for five minutes. I cried my eyes out and felt sorry for myself all day. Did it help? Maybe - the release felt good. But it didn't help me get back to the keyboard writing.
What did I do to change?
Mindfulness and Manifestation.
I have been a nurse for over ten years, working with patients with neurological conditions. I know the benefits of mindfulness and talk to my patients about this constantly. Mindfulness works. The evidence is clear. I have used mindfulness and meditation in my life, but for some reason had neglected it in my writing.
When I first started writing back in December 2018, I was amazed at how it uplifted my mood. I'm upbeat most of the time, but writing gave me even more of a bounce - I literally felt like I was on top of the world. But something changed when I finished my first manuscript and started querying. Not straight away - back then I thought agents would be fighting over me and my work (ha!). Slowly as the responses came in (or didn't) the bounce my writing gave me fell flat.
I needed to do something different. That something different was to re-frame how I viewed writing. It was time to channel my December 2018 self and get back to the basics - write for the fun of it. Do I want to get published? Of course! But I am consciously going to be positive about it. Here's where manifestation kicks in.
I'm starting on another manuscript that I began back in September 2021, but couldn't get off the ground (I was writing the two sequels to my first manuscript which at the time seemed like a great idea). From December 2021 to the big cry of April 2023 when I was at the peak of querying, I can’t remember ever sitting down and writing excitedly like I did that first year where my fingers took over the process. It was obvious - querying was sucking the fun out of writing. Since implementing a positive mindset one month ago, I’ve sat down with my laptop with a new sense of glee and the words are coming out again. It doesn’t feel like a struggle, scenes are coming to me while I’m at the laptop, when I’m walking my dog -a Boxer who at almost six is only just coming out of the puppy stage -or just as I close my eyes in bed (that’s when I need to take notes on my phone, otherwise I’ll forget in the morning!). I’ve written another 4500 words (and that was with two weeks school holidays when I didn't get a chance to write at all). Little steps I know, but I am on the right track. And it's not just my word count that has improved - my headaches are almost non-existent.
The reason I am on the right track is because I am consistently referring to my writing in a positive way. The universe gives back to you what you put out. Of course, I wasn't getting anywhere with my writing, whether it be through agents/publisher positive responses or words on a page - I was sending out a message to the universe that I was miserable whenever I thought about writing. The universe was replying and the biggest message was the big cry of April 2023.
In further posts, I will outline in more detail the steps I take for mindfulness and manifestation. But in the meantime, be positive about your writing, enjoy the journey and remember - you are creatively abundant!
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